Nightmares Never Sleep
by TitaniaSarys
Summary: "He had first encountered those during one of the nights when she had accepted to stay with him in bed after sex. Slowly, their relationship had grown and blossomed. They had discovered she was pregnant and had both freaked out."


Tony woke up to the sound of rustling sheets from the other side of the bed. But he dismissed it at first and closed his eyes, setting himself back into a comfortable position. He was tired and needed to sleep especially now. Things were stressful and everyday Tony was threatened by migraines. He was drinking more coffee than ever. He was certain he was starting to have grey hair with all the worrying.

But he had good reasons to worry and one of them was sleeping on the other side of his bed. The sheets rustled again and a gasp followed. _That was definitely weird_ , Tony thought as he opened his eyes again. He was currently facing the edge of the bed so he turned on his side, careful to do it without moving too much in the bed, not wanting to disturb his partner. What he found made him pale.

Natasha was lying next to him on the other side of their enormous bed. Her hair was sprawled on the cushion that supported her head but some strands stuck to her forehead that was shining with sweat. Her lips were trembling and every few seconds a gasp or an anguished moan escaped them. Her eyes were shut close and her brow was creased. Her hands were balled in fists and gripped the sheets so hard her knuckles had turned white. The sheets themselves only covered the lower half of her body, showing the top that barely covered her round belly.

She shook her head and whispered "No… please don't… don't do this…" One of her hands let go of the sheets and flailed in the air, chasing away some invisible enemy. Tony sighed when he realized she was having another nightmare. He had first encountered those during one of the nights when she had accepted to stay with him in bed after sex. Slowly, their relationship had grown and blossomed. They had discovered she was pregnant and had both freaked out. Tony because he didn't know if he was meant to be a dad and Natasha because she too wasn't sure she was cut out for parenthood but also because she had a past with miscarriages. Because of the Kudrin serum she had been subjected to in the Red Room in her teens, her body treated any pregnancy like a disease and got rid of it. It never got further than six months.

But now, thanks to medical progress, they had been able to keep her pregnant. She was at her seventh month now and prayed it would work. Tony was actually looking forward to meet his kid. He might not know how to be a parent but he wanted a kid badly, more than he had realized. And he couldn't image himself doing that with anyone else than Natasha.

During the last couple of weeks, her nightmares had intensified and the fear following them kept Natasha awake most of the nights (that and the baby's kicks, she said). The nightmares were always violent and bloody from what she told Tony although she only let out very little. But he could see in her eyes how bad they were. He wished he could erase them somehow. Sometimes holding her in his arms helped, sometimes it didn't. And she was violent during her nightmares, physically trying to defend herself from whatever was attacking her in her mind. Tony once got a black eye and ended up with his arm in a sling after falling off the bed.

But this time he wasn't concerned by his own safety but rather the baby's. Natasha had no idea what she was doing and her thrashing was the usual defense mechanism. When her stomach had been flat, it hadn't been a problem but now that she was heavily pregnant, it could endanger the baby and hurt her indirectly. "Please… don't go… don't leave… no… No!" she screamed.

Tony couldn't leave her like that any longer. He crawled towards her, avoiding her fists and more importantly her nails that could scratch like claws. One of his arms locked under her breasts and above her large stomach and he used the other to drag them both towards the headboard against which he sat with his back pressed. He then brought Natasha to his chest, resting her head on his left shoulder and angling her body so that she was half-sitting half-lying between his legs. He trapped her thighs with one of his legs and grabbed her wrists in his hands.

He held her like that for what seemed like hours, whispering soothing words in her ear and praying she would wake soon. He knew it was futile to shake her to wake her up, force had never worked. Her nightmares were anchored too deep. He felt her sweat through his own clothes and looked at her hair plastered around her slightly rounder face. She fought against her nightmares for another thirty minutes and Tony held her, not once loosening his grip but careful not to hurt her. Since she was pregnant she had lost some of her strength and mobility so he could easily hold her down and have the upper hand.

Slowly, she stopped thrashing and talking. Her features relaxed but her breathing was still erratic. Tony didn't like the wheezing sound coming from her lips or the fast pace to which her chest moved as if she would have a seizure in the next seconds. He also didn't like how clammy her skin was under his touch or how frightened she had looked during her nightmare.

She eventually opened her eyes. "Tony?" her voice sounded like that of a child that was afraid of the monster under the bed.

He kissed her sweaty temple. "I'm right here. It's okay. You're alright now. We're all fine."

He knew those words always reassured her and he gently let go of her wrists. She relaxed against his shoulder and shifted her head, putting it in the crook of his neck. He stroked her wet red hair that had grown really long since the last time she had been in the field. His other hand caressed her swollen belly then settled on top of it. Natasha's smaller hand covered Tony's.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Tony felt her breathing even and her wheezing stopped. She had regained control of the situation. His hand detached from her stomach and cupped her chin.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Nat. It's not your fault and I'll be there every step of the way." He pulled her in for a kiss and she relaxed completely in his arms.

"It's just that… I'm afraid," she whispered and he listened because it was the first time she was giving him detail about her nightmares. "I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to go through all the pregnancy. It all comes back in my mind, the way I lost her in the snow… the harsh winter and the battlefield... the last time… when I lost Rose… it had been six months. Now I'm seven months pregnant… it's never happened before… I don't know what will happen. I don't want to be a failure again."

"You're not a failure, Nat. Never believe that. Never." He kissed her again.

They lay like that for a while, just listening to each other's breathing before Tony asked: "Ready to go back to sleep?" He didn't need to add that he'd be there to wake her up again if her nightmares came back. But when her nightmares hit, they never attacked again during the night. She nodded and he helped her change from her sweaty clothes to dry ones. He even dried her hair as much as he could with a towel.

Once they were as clean as they could be without taking a shower, he cradled her in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder again. His right hand wrapped around her waist and rested on her belly. She put her left hand next to his on her stomach and put the other on his chest before closing her eyes. She was asleep within seconds which was something because she always had trouble falling asleep.

In the morning, Tony slipped out of the bed without waking her up. It was still fairly early but he had work to do. He took all the tools he needed and set everything in the corner of the room. While he set to work, Natasha rolled to her side of the bed with the usually grace and carefulness she used ever since her stomach had become a burden. Tony kept working on the crib while watching her peaceful sleeping face.

She was always beautiful in the morning. The sunlight coming through the window on her side of the room, which she insisted wouldn't be curtained, lit her face and seemed to set her red curls on fire. Her skin had a soft glow that Tony could somehow only see from the moment they had known they were expecting. Every single one of her curves seemed to have been painted by a master.

Tony didn't work much on the crib in the end because he spent most of the time watching her sleep. When finally she woke up and caught him staring at her, she couldn't help but laugh a little. "Don't tell me you're starting to see rainbows and butterflies, Stark," she said before heading for the shower, leaving the door purposefully open.


End file.
